'Countering
Stress and
Depression' by The Dalai Lama
At a
fundamental level, as human beings, we are all the same; each one of us
aspires
to happiness and each one of us does not wish to suffer. This is why,
whenever
I have the opportunity, I try to draw people's attention to what as
members of
the human family we have in common and the deeply interconnected nature
of our
existence and welfare.
Today, there is increasing recognition, as well as a growing body of
scientific
evidence, that confirms the close connection between our own states of
mind and
our happiness. On the one hand, many of us live in societies that are
very
developed materially, yet among us are many people who are not very
happy. Just
underneath the beautiful surface of affluence there is a kind of mental
unrest,
leading to frustration, unnecessary quarrels, reliance on drugs or
alcohol, and
in the worst case, suicide. There is no guarantee that wealth alone can
give you
the joy or fulfillment that you seek. The same can be said of your
friends too.
When you are in an intense state of anger or hatred, even a very close
friend
appears to you as somehow frosty, or cold, distant, and annoying.
However, as
human beings we are gifted with this wonderful human intelligence.
Besides
that, all human beings have the capacity to be very determined and to
direct
that strong sense of determination in whatever direction they like. So
long as
we remember that we have this marvellous gift of human intelligence and
a
capacity to develop determination and use it in positive ways, we will
preserve
our underlying mental health. Realizing we have this great human
potential
gives us a fundamental strength. This recognition can act as a
mechanism that
enables us to deal with any difficulty, no matter what situation we are
facing,
without losing hope or sinking into feelings of low self-esteem.
I write this as someone who lost his freedom at the age of 16, then
lost his
country at the age of 24. Consequently, I have lived in exile for more
than 50
years during which we Tibetans have dedicated ourselves to keeping the
Tibetan
identity alive and preserving our culture and values. On most days the
news
from Tibet is heartbreaking, and yet none of these challenges gives
grounds for
giving up. One of the approaches that I personally find useful is to
cultivate
the thought: If the situation or problem is such that it can be
remedied, then
there is no need to worry about it. In other words, if there is a
solution or a
way out of the difficulty, you do not need to be overwhelmed by it. The
appropriate action is to seek its solution. Then it is clearly more
sensible to
spend your energy focussing on the solution rather than worrying about
the
problem. Alternatively, if there is no solution, no possibility of
resolution,
then there is also no point in being worried about it, because you
cannot do
anything about it anyway. In that case, the sooner you accept this
fact, the
easier it will be for you. This formula, of course, implies directly
confronting the problem and taking a realistic view. Otherwise you will
be
unable to find out whether or not there is a resolution to the problem.
Taking a realistic view and cultivating a proper
motivation can also shield you against feelings of fear and anxiety. If
you
develop a pure and sincere motivation, if you are motivated by a wish
to help
on the basis of kindness, compassion, and respect, then you can carry
on any
kind of work, in any field, and function more effectively with less
fear or
worry, not being afraid of what others think or whether you ultimately
will be
successful in reaching your goal. Even if you fail to achieve your
goal, you
can feel good about having made the effort. But with a bad motivation,
people
can praise you or you can achieve goals, but you still will not be
happy.
Again, we may sometimes feel that our whole lives are unsatisfactory,
we feel
on the point of being overwhelmed by the difficulties that confront us.
This
happens to us all in varying degrees from time to time. When this
occurs, it is
vital that we make every effort to find a way of lifting our spirits.
We can do
this by recollecting our good fortune. We may, for example, be loved by
someone; we may have certain talents; we may have received a good
education; we
may have our basic needs provided for - food to eat, clothes to wear,
somewhere
to live - we may have performed certain altruistic deeds in the past.
We must
take into consideration even the slightest positive aspect of our
lives. For if
we fail to find some way of uplifting ourselves, there is every danger
of
sinking further into our sense of powerlessness. This can lead us to
believe
that we have no capacity for doing good whatsoever. Thus we create the
conditions of despair itself.
As a Buddhist monk I have learned that what principally upsets our
inner peace
is what we call disturbing emotions. All those thoughts,
emotions, and
mental events which reflect a negative or uncompassionate state of mind
inevitably undermine our experience of inner peace. All our negative
thoughts
and emotions - such as hatred, anger, pride, lust, greed, envy, and so
on - are
considered to be sources of difficulty, to be disturbing. Negative
thoughts and
emotions are what obstruct our most basic aspiration - to be happy and
to avoid
suffering. When we act under their influence, we become oblivious to
the impact
our actions have on others: they are thus the cause of our destructive
behaviour both toward others and to ourselves. Murder, scandal, and
deceit all
have their origin in disturbing emotions.
This inevitably gives rise to the question - can we train the mind?
There are
many methods by which to do this. Among these, in the Buddhist
tradition, is a
special instruction called mind training, which focuses on cultivating
concern
for others and turning adversity to advantage. It is this pattern of
thought,
transforming problems into happiness that has enabled the Tibetan
people to
maintain their dignity and spirit in the face of great difficulties.
Indeed I
have found this advice of great practical benefit in my own life.
A great Tibetan teacher of mind training once remarked that one of the
mind’s
most marvellous qualities is that it can be transformed. I have no
doubt that
those who attempt to transform their minds, overcome their disturbing
emotions
and achieve a sense of inner peace, will, over a period of time, notice
a
change in their mental attitudes and responses to people and events.
Their
minds will become more disciplined and positive. And I am sure they
will find
their own sense of happiness grow as they contribute to the greater
happiness
of others. I offer my prayers that everyone who makes this their goal
will be
blessed with success.
The Dalai Lama
Love:
"Love comes when we least expect it, when we are not
looking for it. Hunting for love never brings the right
partner. It only creates longing and unhappiness. Love is
never outside ourselves; love is within us." Louise Hay
"The moment you
surrender to love and allow it to lead you to exactly where your soul
wants to go, you will have no difficulty."
" Home
with God in a life that never ends" Page 230. Neale Donald Walsh.
If music be the food of love, play on. - Shakespeare
Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be. - Robert Browning
Love is the enchanted dawn of every heart. - Lamartine
“Love
does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in
the same direction” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
“At
the touch of love everyone becomes a poet” Plato
In
dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. (unknown)
"Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it
makes the ride worthwhile." - Sean Connery
"It is never too late to fall in love." - Sandy Wilson
'To love oneself is the beginning of a
lifelong romance.' Oscar Wilde
"Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every
hand." Mother Teresa
Love is
everlasting and shines like the stars,
Love is strong
and immovable, like the mountains,
Love stretches
out to eternity, like the sea,
Love watches over
the darkest nights, like the moon,
Love brightens
and warms the days, like the sun,
Life will
come and go, but these elements, like love, are forever.
Tracy Kent.
I love you not
only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
Roy Croft
It's so easy, To
think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love, But it's not
always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it.... In our hands."
Jaka
"The best and
most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They
must be felt with the heart."
Helen Keller
"I am my beloved,
and my beloved is me."
Song of Solomon
Love is but the
discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition."
Alexander Smith
"For Eros
When you
love,
May you feel the
joy
Of your heart
becoming alive
As your lover's
gaze
lands on your
eyes,
Holding them,
Like the weight
of a kiss,
Deepening."
'Benedictus a book of blessings', Page 45. by John O'Donoghue
“A
life without love is like a year without summer” (Swedish proverb)
Fear:
Marianne
Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our
Light, not
our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to
be? You
are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There
is
nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel
unsure
around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is
within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own
Light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are
liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates
others.
Percy Bysshe
Shelley:
Fear not for the
future, weep not for the past.
Ralph Waldo
Emerson:
Don't waste life
in doubts and fears; spend
yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right
performance of
this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages
that
will follow it.
Ralph Waldo
Emerson:
Do not be too
timid and squeamish about your
reactions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the
better.
Rosa Parks:
I have learned
over the years that when one's mind
is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away
with
fear.
Shel Silverstein:
The hens they all
cackle, the roosters all beg,
But I will not hatch, I will not hatch.
For I hear all the talk of pollution and war
As the people all shout and the airplane roar,
So I'm staying in here where it's safe and it's warm,
And I WILL NOT HATCH!
Swedish proverb:
Worry gives a
small thing a big shadow.
William Allen
White:
I am not afraid of
tomorrow, for I have seen
yesterday and I love today.
Margaret Laurence:
Know that although
in the eternal scheme of things
you are small, you are also unique and irreplaceable, as are all your
fellow
humans everywhere in the world.
Marian Wright
Edelman:
No one,
Eleanor Roosevelt said, can make you feel
inferior without your consent. Never give it.
